A team of amateur astronomers Grapevine spent weeks exploring the sky to decide your judgment. Will the festival be happy? Aches? Pregnancy? Find out.
Aries
Take a risk! Make a change! Departure, dear Aries. It’s time.
Naut
Your true love is next. Oh – are you already in a relationship? Our stellar sources assure us that they are not your true love, only red herring that prevents you from seeing your true love, which is, we are sure, on the horizon.
Twins
We’ve been waiting to say this all year Gemini: You’re a bitch. Did you know that? Do you know how they say “Judge others by their friends”? Have you ever looked at your friends? Have you ever noticed how all shoplifters cry at parties? Twins of Jesus Christ. This year, on the birthday of Jesus Christ, find some new ones.
Cancer
You are destined for fame in about eleven months. Neither more nor less. So be prepared to wear sunglasses wherever you go. You will be at that level bby. Meg Cabot each?
Leo
We, as well as our tea magazines, absolutely admire how fast you went from your last tragedy. This was very Leo of you, Leo, but in December, maybe take a closer look in 2020 and realize that it was a life tragedy literally every month. You, really, need to calm down. Unless you think prison will be a good addition to your future Wikipedia life. Just under “Obsession with Josh Brolin.”
Virgo
To be honest, we were kind of cursed when we looked at your lifeline today, Virgo. The pandemic has made you a little bored, it seems. Even the constellations will not watch your latest Disney + marathon.
Scale
No one is interested in the paper snowflakes you have been making with your new boyfriend, Libra. But do not lose heart when you go to be with his parents over the holidays and his mother misunderstands your name three times in a row and needs to correct the village priest. This is not your fault. You just have an unforgettable face.
Scorpio
Maybe stop writing out a list of gifts you want and start thinking about what to buy for your family, Scorpio. The year you learn to be less of a sociopath is the year you will finally get something other than coal in your sock.
The archer
Yes, you can totally win back the Cartier bracelet that was given to you by your fiancé while your late teens’ engagement was bad. You need to get your friend to sleep with the author you used though and the consequences could be unpredictable. Then step carefully to the shooter. Tread very carefully.
Capricorn
Your future is a bit unclear, Capricorn, but we’ve been confident that the second track on your upcoming Spotify Wrapped will predict your next move. The third song? Do not even go there.
Aquarius
We have a pretty good idea that you have chlamydia, Aquarius. Have it checked.
Fish
When you look up “Great Mom” in the dictionary, the word next to “Fish” appears. Wait, you’re not a parent? It’s best to contact your last roommate, mate, because we’ll definitely see some gypsies in the future. And yes, we have gypsies, as in the plural.
Source: The Nordic Page