TO COUPLE
Set realistic expectations
Depending on where you come from and how your parents celebrate this day for lovers, we in turn are inspired to shape our own idea of ways to celebrate and the gifts we want to receive. If reality turns out to be different, we can not help but feel disappointed.
Dear ones, no matter how high or low your expectations are, talk to your partner about it. Get out of your fantasy world and get on the same page with your lover. I know it may feel less romantic to talk about it, but you want to do yourself and your partner a favor.
My heart also goes out to men as they have this impossible mission of guessing what you might actually like and how they can make you happy.
Before you talk to your partner, do another reality check. After all, this day is like any other day, so ask yourself if there are other forces at play that are putting pressure on you?
For example, is it a priority to want to post the best party image on social media and compare it with your friends? Know what drives you so you can take control and set realistic expectations for both of you.
Let it not define you
I grew up in a family where Valentine’s Day was a big deal and every year my dad gave a magnificent gift and a giant bouquet of flowers to my mom.
Seeing that celebration model for many years gave me the unshakable idea that my partner from years back had to do the same because the opposite would mean I am not as loved and valued as my mother. BOM!
Valentine’s Day was set for an explosive romance. We had the perfect combination of me hoping for a certain Hollywood treatment and my partner felt pressured to understand my desires. Instead of having fun, we made an unnecessary recipe for conflict.
Valentine’s Day should not be the only day you check in on how the relationship is going. The day usually takes different forms based on whether people believe in doing something special, and not everyone does. For some men, it just does not make much sense.
Plan something together
Negotiations take place not only in business but also in love. Some people are not for the whole Hallmark holiday, so try to find a middle ground with your partner.
Give each other space to express how you feel about this day: hopes, dreams, fears and worries. You can also share how your parents celebrated or ignored Valentine’s Day and the beliefs your parents had about the holiday.
Listen to each other without judging. Listen without reacting. However, be specific. For example, your ideal date might be to choose three restaurants, and then your partner picks one, makes the reservation, and gives you a dozen red roses.
Or if your partner thinks the celebration is just too cheesy, find another day. After all, it’s about spending a wonderful time together.
Lesson for the ladies
A special remark here to the ladies who would never in a billion years share that they actually want and want something special on Valentine’s Day. Instead, they utter nothing for fear of being disappointed or seen as needy.
You may be out of practice asking what you want and your partner may be used to you not really showing any interest in this day. But try this time!
Try to share your desires with your husband. He may not have gotten it really the first time, but he would at least have tried, and you would have opened a more honest dialogue in your relationship the rest of the year.
TO SINGLE
Whether you’re single by choice, recently broken up, or you just have not found Mr. or Mrs. right yet, you do not have to sit out of the V-Day celebration just because you drive solo.
Valentine’s Day is not a day reserved only for couples, so instead of seeing it as one big reason to feel extra lonely, be the type to just find an excuse to celebrate life!
Get started!
Start by spending some time acknowledging your ‘singleness’ and make it a point not to let your relationship status affect the way you feel about yourself.
As psychotherapist Hilda Burke says: “Many singletons imagine that their coupled counterparts are better off – especially on Valentine’s Day. It is human nature to think that the grass is always greener. But the fact is that being single is neither better nor worse than being in a couple. ”
Whether you are single or in a relationship, it is crucial to spend time every day embracing the life you live.
Make V-Day a day to celebrate the love you have for everyone special in your life – starting with yourself.
Do not feel bad
Feeling sad or lonely from time to time is normal. Even those in a relationship feel that way. But dwelling on these feelings can lead to self-pity, and it is not helpful.
Get perspective instead: Most people are singles and you should look forward to meeting your future partner, not questioning whether it will happen.
See potential, not limitations. Take the opportunity to take stock of your life – the good as well as the bad – and choose to be grateful for all the good things you have in life.
You should not define the meaning and value of your life by knowing whether you are in a relationship or not, but that is what often happens on Valentine’s Day.
Think of dating life as an ecosystem: every day there are many single men and women going in and out of the market.
Your future better half may be in a relationship right now, and learn some lessons on how to become a better partner. And you should learn to be single and happy enough on your own.
Celebrate the day!
While your first thought may be to cheer yourself up by drowning with a bottle of wine on the couch and watching Netflix, this tactic will likely have the opposite effect on your mood.
Instead, make a plan that you can be productive with: like doing something you love, or trying something you’ve never done before, but always wanted to. This will help improve your self-confidence when you experience new things and you will feel a great sense of accomplishment.
So indulge in some self-care practices, such as a spa treatment, a massage, a mania pedi or a small sexy session with your toy buddy for a full body care.
Finally, you can end the day with a night on the town with your single girlfriends. This will give you a great sense of belonging and a sense of belonging to others. Plus, wherever you go, there will be tons of people who are not in a relationship at the moment, so go and mix!
Just another day!
All of this is to say that you alone can choose what you want to make out of Valentine’s Day.
Is it a day where you celebrate life, nurture gratitude, enjoy good communication and take self-care to create a wonderful relationship with yourself and your future / current partner?
Or is it a day that destroys your self-esteem and endangers your relationship?
Which one should it be?
Source: The Nordic Page