Englishmen in Nyhavn: A Definitive Guide To Danish Sport

Englishmen in Nyhavn: A Definitive Guide To Danish Sport

In my almost three years in this country, I have attended almost five sporting venues across a total of almost three sports.

Some people might think that this experience is insufficient to provide a definitive guide to Danish sport. Then again, these people may not have a column deadline approaching.

That’s why I present to you my ‘Definitive Guide To Danish Sport’.

1/ There will be drums
Regardless of whether you are at the National Parken stadium or the women’s handball league in Frederiksberghallen, your time for Danish sport will be accompanied by the melodious sounds of percussion. This drummer will usually be surrounded by a group of people dressed identically with suspected tinnitus.

I once asked them to incorporate a jazz solo into their repertoire, but this request fell on deaf ears. Badum-dum-chh.

2/ There will be megaphones
As if the noise wasn’t cacophonous enough, it’s amplified by a topless gentleman screaming into a megaphone. This man has his back turned to the game and doesn’t seem to see any of the action at any point. He instead focuses on leading the audience in a series of well-rehearsed chants.

It’s like a church choir if said church choir was led by a topless man screaming into a megaphone. And they are always topless, come rain, come shine, come freezing temperatures. As a result, their nipples act like diamond cutters, but (take it from me) they ask permission first.

3/ There will be hot dogs
It would be disingenuous to suggest that the best clubs to support are those with the best hotdogs.

Fremad Amager’s sausage cart is run by a company called Ronaldo’s. My initial thrill of excitement was quickly swamped upon realizing that the proprietor was not, in fact, Cristiano, and that the sausages were sub-par. The best hot dogs, and thus the best club in Copenhagen, can be found in Valby at BK Frem. Upward.

4/ It may be hooliganism
Before I moved here, I was warned about the ‘hooliganism’ in Danish football, after which I was surprised to feel a surge of British… pride?

I thought it was adorable that the Scandinavians, with their fair societies, fair wages and on-time buses, could think themselves capable of hooliganism on par with the British throwing chairs and pensioners through every McDonald’s on the continent as a means of celebrating a victory . Conversely, I imagined Danish hooliganism as giving the stadium a two-star Google review or deliberately flicking cigarette ashes on the floor.

The worst offenders of hooliganism were said to come from Brøndby IF. I went to their derby match against FC Copenhagen to see the sparks fly and experience the Danish hooliganism with rude hand gestures and withering remarks.

As the game began, an entire stand unfurled a huge banner depicting Copenhagen fans being hanged. No sooner could I get out than a fireworks display took place. I did a quick count and estimated that there were over 12 billion individual fireworks – the smoke of which caused the game to be suspended for several minutes.

The Copenhagen fans, for their part, spent little of the game watching the game, partly because of their balaclavas and partly because their attention was instead focused on climbing the railings of their literal enclosure to make slashing moves across the throats of every Brøndby fan. in a radius of 100 feet.

The fan next to me suggested that this was ‘tame’ and that a few years back the Copenhageners spent the derby being pelted with dead rats thrown by Brøndby fans.

I apologize to all Danes for doubting your potential for hooliganism. You are all mental. I am now a season ticket holder in Brøndby IF … purely for the chaos.

Source: The Nordic Page




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